Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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