but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
