I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
