This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
