Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
