I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
