I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
