If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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