A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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