i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
