I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
