i think my tv is drunk
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
