True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
