Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
