I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
