We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
