That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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