I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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