Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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