I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
