I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
