I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
