well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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