I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
