A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
