That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
