Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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