OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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