Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
