hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
