If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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