What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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