Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
