R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
