just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
