Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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