Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
