I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
