I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
