i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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