Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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