I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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