Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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