she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
