I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
