How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
COCAINE IS GR8
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
