mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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