K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You're like the curious george of whores
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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