i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
