Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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