I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
