just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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