I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
