dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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